Expressions!!

The music was loud. The lights were dim. She slowly sipped her margarita, her 7^th today, but it was all right she was celebrating.  One more day and she won’t have to face him every day. Her friends dragged her to the dance floor, which was way too crowded for her to even move let alone dance, thankfully. Large quantities of alcohol always made her gloomy and today she had more reasons than alcohol to be gloomy. She contemplated her 8^th, she was already past her established bounds, but it was all right, after all she was ‘celebrating’, the irony of the word can’t be stressed enough.

“One large Margarita, Please”, she ordered repeating thrice before the bartender finally heard her and refilled.

One day more and he finally will be written off her life, at least that is what she had planned. Professionally it was a moment to cherish. She was getting an opportunity which most of her co-workers dreamt of , working in the real ‘Silicon Valley’ instead of its Indian off shoot, but her personal predicament belittled her achievement.  She was never the one to define her life predominantly by her profession, she always wanted be good at whatever she did but balance is what she always sought.

He was influencing her time-honored decision making criteria, he has came a long way from just being an immaterial class mate. The thought would have sounded absolutely bizarre to her 5 years ago. She could recall the exact word she used to describe it, “preposterous”. She remembered the cruel laugh she had back in college when one of her friend informed of his intentions about her, life has a vindictive way of getting back at you, she realized. She was contumelious back then. The idea of her being related with him was not something she would have allowed in a million years. She needed someone special which he was definitely not. She was not going to settle for someone so normal and mundane. He made feeble attempts to bring it to her notice and she remembered the arrogance with which she quashed them. After a while he stopped and at first she was relieved, later she couldn’t help feeling sorry for him.  College kept throwing him at her for the next 2 years though but now there were no frail attempts, they were replaced by a strong feeling of indifference, not that she cared but it did make her feel bad at times.

Years to follow changed her perception of him. Of course he was still normal and mundane but he was an extremely likable normal and mundane person. He hid his feelings well so she could never tell that how he actually felt, especially when he was around her, but she could swear she saw a glimmer of sadness in him then. What actually changed her perception of him she could never tell. Somewhere between those transitions from class mates to colleagues she realized that the idea that seemed “preposterous” was not preposterous at all, in fact she wanted him to start over again, for now she had an entirely different outcome waiting for him. She gave him all the hints she could but he never took any of them, maybe the initial rejection still had a scathing scar somewhere beneath, but she always was confident of overcoming it, eventually. And then suddenly he threw a party commemorating his engagement.

The next 41 days have been a labored attempt from her to appear normal. She has not been normal at all. She knew that most of the blame lies with her but that never seemed to help. She needed to get away from him. And tomorrow she would. She wondered if she will truly get away from him ever.

“Two more Margaritas, Please”, she ordered again hoping that a hangover would help her face what awaited her. She gulped them down quickly and joined her friends on the dance floor, she wished the idea remained “preposterous”, she wished she loved someone special rather than this simpleton.