Expressions!!

Note: Of the few people who are regular readers of my blog (who am I kidding though!! REGULAR READER. Are there any??) may ask, “why do this guy writes about stupid things all the times??” The answer is short and simple, stupidity comes natural to me, don’t have to think a lot about it, it just flows (well not exactly naturally but still it is easier than the other things to write).
So it is the next in line for “ The Agony Of Being” series and the topic this time is , as the title suggested, the agony of being short(as in height). Well I measure a paltry 167 cms and this is the first thing people notice about me (especially the ones who have read LOTR exclaim a lot, “Look ma hobbits DO exist!!”)
Agonizing, to say the least!!!!!!!!
Especially painful is the apathy of the fairer sex with the walking bamboos making the point efficiently than the much prevalent hobbit clan. It is only the tip of the iceberg though when it comes to counting disadvantages of it. It have its tentacles in every sphere of the day to day life, be it in the school life , be it in making a career decision , be it in simple Courting stuff etc etc.
Let’s analyze it in a chronological order.
It starts with the school life itself. You are short, you make the starting end of the class queue and it opens the Pandora’s Box. For the starters consider the most boring part of our school (in general of all schools) the assemblies. The teacher is barking the most boring of material into that over tuned microphone and all you can do is nod because he is right in front of you. You blink he notices, you yawn he signals, you talk he warns and god forbid if you laugh its time for a “get out of the line and stand with your arms up” order. So while the goliaths (read tall people) are having all the laughs its punishment time for us lesser mortals. CRAP.
Well ours was a class which ended up in conflict most of the times, that too with the most powerful of players in the school power hierarchy, and that resulted into a “find the culprit” or “face the music” situations. And trust me we had one almost daily. We always were first in line for the interrogation sessions, quite similar to the countless scenes you see in the routine bollywood movies. So we had the good cop , “ Beta kisne kiya yeh uska naam bata do tumhe kuch nahi kahenge” , the bad cop “ Tum naam batate ho ki tum logo ko suspend kar de” and the ugly cop “ Arre sharmaji yeh aise nahi maanenge meri cane laao abhi sabka muh khulwaata hoon”. But as unity is the name of the game no one ever divulged any information regarding the perpetrators of the crime and that left our EFFICIENT teachers with no other option but to hand out a common punishment to all the students starting from, you guessed it, the first person in the class queue. So here I am standing fifth or sixth from the start, waiting for the imminent disaster, with Mr. Executioner wielding his cane like a sword, ready for the battle (???) ahead. I still appreciate the courage of the first person in our class queue, some amit, for he took a lot of beatings and that too as the first one without ever blowing his top (a few beatings like that would have made me join the ranks of official spy for the school authorities!!!). The disadvantage of ending up in the line of fire so early is catastrophic especially given my elite pedigree in school (my sis was one of the best students of the school ever) the usual last cry is “ it was never expected of you!!! “ And then it comes with all ferocity and lasts for quite a while too. The reason being, you are only the fifth and the teacher is all bustling with energy. He loses the steam as he moves ahead and all that the DESERVING students get is a pat on the hand. God!! How I hated them all for this. It’s only a select few of the long list but you can have an idea. Just iterate the entire sequence for whole two years (11th and 12th) then you will have a little inkling of my plight.
There were a few advantages too. Little tiny ones though but I must give the complete picture. The biggest advantage was that we got the best of seats, right behind the girls, not that I took any advantages of it[;-)] but I often traded my seat with the so called Romeos of the class for favors and trust me I got the best of bargains (the list is a classified one). Another advantage was a one time thing. Our school followed the INDIA, PAKISTAN system of seating girls and boys in an isolated manner. Once a daring teacher (God Bless Her!!!) took the initiative to challenge and change this and guess what I ended up in the most envied position of them all, with the damsel who had most of us in a tizzy. It lasted for only a month though but I thoroughly enjoyed that month. (Sigh!!)
Next in the disadvantages list is the sports part of my life. I always wanted to pursue badminton as a career option but soon I realized that I am not made for it. The short size restricts my reach and hence my court coverage. It also leaves no room for an error in my shots as most of them are to be taken with me being air borne so the tiniest of mistiming leaves no margin for error in even the most straight forward of shots. So here goes my dream of making it big in the badminton arena. Then comes love no.2 that is Tennis. Here the road is a little less obstructed (or so it seems) with only the service part taking the hit but as tennis is all about service, mainly, I lose a lot here too. The advantages, don’t think so there are any, except that a low centre of gravity allows me to perform exaggerated maneuvers which are a little difficult for the tall ones.
Then comes life, in general. Here too there are more than enough things to reproduce. You get the choicest of nick names, the funniest of verbal assaults and people have a nuclear weapon sort of against you, i.e. whenever they are up against you and they start losing their ground they will just play that card and come out unscratched. It happens, rarely with some frequently with the others but it happens. Well that’s too much of blah blah blah for one day so let’s give it a rest. And for more of it you don’t have to read any blog just observe things around and you will get a first hand experience.
Well that’s too much of blah blah blah for one post. Let me just cut it off with a one liner, a suitable one.
Someone once said, “Great things come in small sizes”. Couldn’t agree more!!!!!!!!!!