Hi everyone I hope you enjoyed this experiment. I know it took a lot of time. So here it is all in one place instead of piecewise with the latest part.
Part 1: Him
He let out a slight sigh as he moved to turn the alarm off.
A smile crossed him, reminding him of all the alarms he ignored, and here he
was intercepting one before it even begin its monotonous irritating chime. He
had a long night. He could exactly recall all the hours, the time and his
positions on the bed and the single thread of thought which subsumed his entire
night. Entire night was such a small time period to put it in. He took a look
across the bed and as usual she was already up, but he already knew that. The
sounds emanating from the kitchen already announced that and moreover he was
only pretending to be awake when she got up around an hour ago and covered him
with his sheet. He never told her but he was really mystified by her graceful
demeanor and that too despite his tantrums, a much too obvious feeling of
indifference and her modern upbringing. In another universe, in another life he
would have considered himself lucky to have her. He lingered on, trying to
catch the last shreds of his night long wrestle, but finally decided to delay
it for later. Out of habit he got up and ambled towards the door to pick up the
newspaper. She sensed his movements and as a well synchronized part of her
morning rituals, put a cup of tea on the dining table to accompany his
newspaper. He pulled on a nervous smile as she crossed her path, still
engrossed in his thoughts while mindlessly staring at the newspaper, she
responded as she normally would.
“Good Morning”, she said with a believable cheerfulness in her
voice. The reply was equally formal and lackluster, but that never seemed to
deter her. Again she got busy with her morning rituals. They both were too
dispassionate and boring to be identified as a newly married couple. He kept
going through the pages although he could make sense of some news at least. For
the time being his dilemma was ignored and replaced by the frail political
scenario in one of the states. He kept glancing at her in between, carefully
timing them to avoid any eye contact, as today was one of those days when he
couldn’t risk being exposed. He had no idea that he was not that good as acting
as he thought he was.
The rest of the morning was mechanical. He has gone about
his usual routine. Everything was already selected, arranged, all the decisions
have been taken. He couldn't believe the chaos the mornings used to be earlier,
when he was just a single person trying to fight the Monday night blues. Her
choice was always in good taste and it was uncanny that how often he knew he
would have ended up selecting the same things as she had. His admiration in her
was renewed. He was getting too dependent on her and he wanted to avoid that.
He dreaded the ticking clock he wanted to delay the inevitable but couldn't.
Breakfast was uneventful except for her. She looked lovely in her dress, which
he knew was one of her favorite. He tried to move his glance elsewhere to avoid
being caught staring at her and he failed. She looked too occupied with her
morning crossword to notice his stares, but he didn't want to risk it. He
finished it in a hurry, which was ironical as he wanted the morning to drag as
long as possible, for he didn't think he was ready to face what awaited him. As
he was about to leave she intercepted him.
“Aren't we supposed to go together?”
He remembered she had told him about her meeting which was
supposed to be in the same area as his office. He regretted forgetting it and
shuddered at the effects it may entail.
“Oh sorry I forgot, you come I am waiting downstairs in the
car.”, he said trying to sound apologetic and sincere. And he left. He decided against using the
elevator and trickled slowly along the stairs. From the 11th floor
it was going to be a long walk, it was going to be a long day and he didn't
knew how he wanted it to end.
Part 2: Her
41. She counted for the umpteenth time and deliberately
avoided the other one. These counts have become almost second nature to her,
for obvious reasons. They underline her insecurity, her impatience, her slowly
waning hope and a slight approach of an impending doom. She felt a pang of
frustration for falling into the same trap again, just yesterday she promised
not to do it again. She hated these nights now, especially the weekend ones. Without
the tiresome work sleep was a tough endeavor and the alternative was acutely
excruciating.
But she loved the night 41 days ago and why she shouldn't.
It was one of the most memorable events she would ever have in her life. She
remembered being an apprehensive bride. She remembered peering into the mirror
trying to convince her of the decision she took. She recollected all the
arguments she made inside her tumultuous mind to justify her pursuit, her choice
and her marriage. All these thoughts transferred her back to the day and she
smiled. She thought of the many delightful incidents, the mishaps, her
mischievous friends and her happy parents. She was almost able to trace the
path her tears followed in the final moments of that day. She thought of her
brother and his silly attempts to avoid watching her go. But most of all she
remembered the long ride with him.
She was sitting in the corner, teary eyed, peering out of
the window to have those last glimpses of her crying mom, her sad dad and her
weeping brother. Slowly they dissolved into the night and she felt all alone.
Her eyes instinctively turned to him. She was searching for some reassurance
from him, some gesture which would console her that she need not worry and that
her life is going to be beautiful from that moment on. But she was disappointed. Her ‘new’ life was
not supposed to start like this. She looked at him intently hoping for him to
turn and reveal his thoughts, but he was too occupied looking into the
engulfing darkness. He was searching for something in the shadows and she was
searching for something in him. Finally her patience paid off he looked at her
and said,
“Don’t worry I am not that bad.”
Under the circumstances it was a good joke and she wanted to
give a heartfelt smile, what kept her was the look in his eyes. She could see that
they were sincere but there was no hint of the affection she was hoping to find
in them. And those eyes have been exactly the same in these 41 days. She was
reminded of the other count, 59, it was decreasing rapidly.
1:00 am.
She wanted to loiter with her thoughts but tomorrow was quite important, both
professionally and personally, so she forced herself into a labored sleep.
She got up still tired from the fragmented sleep she managed
and searched for her mobile to find out the time. Carefully tucking it under
her pillow, to avoid filling the darkened room with rays of light, she found
out. 5:45am, almost. Her mother would have been proud and she was. Her
transformation from a pampered kid to a responsible wife has been startling to
say the least. Carefully she got up and looked at him. He was curled up as he
normally was in his sleep. She smiled and that smile had a hint of pity for
her, of all the people who chased her she had to fall for him. A moment of
clarity followed and she continued with her pitiful smile, despite his
indifference, it was clear to her that she actually loved him even if she was
still not clear of the actual meaning of the word. She carefully covered him
with his sheet and had that weird feeling that he was awake; she had that feeling
the whole night. She knew something was peculiar last night for he was awfully quiet;
her doubts were reaffirmed when he didn't seem to enjoy his food, despite it
being her best effort till date. He had given a more cheerful reception to her
first burnt dish. A part of her wanted to confront him, seek answers she knew
she deserved, but she refrained from letting her emotions get the better of
her, at least not for another 58 days. She gave him one last languid, soulful
look and went about her carefully orchestrated morning schedule.
Part 3: The Other Her
The music was loud. The lights were dim. She slowly sipped
her margarita, her 7th today, but it was all right she was
celebrating. One more day and she won’t
have to face him every day. Her friends dragged her to the dance floor, which
was way too crowded for her to even move let alone dance, thankfully. Large
quantities of alcohol always made her gloomy today and she had more reasons
than alcohol to be gloomy. She contemplated her 8th, she was already
past her established bounds, but it was all right, after all she was ‘celebrating’,
the irony of the word can’t be stressed enough.
“One large Margarita, Please”, she ordered repeating thrice
before the bartender finally heard her and refilled.
One day more and he finally will be written off her life, at
least that is what she had planned. Professionally it was a moment to cherish.
She was getting an opportunity which most of her co-workers dreamt of , working
in the real ‘Silicon Valley’ instead of its Indian off shoot, but her personal
predicament belittled her achievement.
She was never the one to define her life predominantly by her profession,
she always wanted be good at whatever she did but balance is what she always
sought.
He was influencing her time-honored decision making
criteria, he has came a long way from just being an immaterial class mate. The
thought would have sounded absolutely bizarre to her 5 years ago. She could
recall the exact word she used to describe it, “preposterous”. She remembered
the cruel laugh she had back in college when one of her friend informed of his
intentions about her, life has a vindictive way of getting back at you, she
realized. She was contumelious back then. The idea of her being related with
him was not something she would have allowed in a million years. She needed
someone special which he was definitely not. She was not going to settle for
someone so normal and mundane. He made feeble attempts to bring it to her
notice and she remembered the arrogance with which she quashed them. After a
while he stopped and at first she was relieved, later she couldn't help feeling
sorry for him. College kept throwing him
at her for the next 2 years though but now there were no frail attempts, they
were replaced by a strong feeling of indifference, not that she cared but it
did make her feel bad at times.
Years to follow changed her perception of him. Of course he
was still normal and mundane but he was an extremely likable normal and mundane
person. He hid his feelings well so she could never tell that how he actually
felt, especially when he was around her, but she could swear she saw a glimmer
of sadness in him then. What actually changed her perception of him she could
never tell. Somewhere between those transitions from class mates to colleagues
she realized that the idea that seemed “preposterous” was not preposterous at
all, in fact she wanted him to start over again, for now she had an entirely
different outcome waiting for him. She gave him all the hints she could but he
never took any of them, maybe the initial rejection still had a scathing scar
somewhere beneath, but she always was confident of overcoming it, eventually.
And then suddenly he threw a party commemorating his engagement.
The next 41 days have been a labored attempt from her to
appear normal. She has not been normal at all. She knew that most of the blame
lies with her but that never seemed to help. She needed to get away from him.
And tomorrow she would. She wondered if she will truly get away from him ever.
“Two more Margaritas, Please”, she ordered again hoping that
a hangover would help her face what awaited her. She gulped them down quickly
and joined her friends on the dance floor, she wished the idea remained
“preposterous”, she wished she loved someone special rather than this
simpleton.
Part 4: Him - 2
Note: Writing in pronouns can be a bit confusing especially
when addressing multiple characters. So in this one 'She' refers to both, the
character from 'Her' and ' The other her'. For most of the post 'She' is the
character from 'The Other Her' but it changes near the end. The change is
marked with a note. I hope you don't find it too confusing :)
His ever slackening
pace came to a halt on the 8th floor. He took a long look at the
crowded road visible from his building; considering the usual concrete jungle
he lived in, the view was beautiful. The hustle bustle on the road below had an
undertone of chaos in it, just your regular Monday morning. He could predict an
impending traffic jam and the following pandemonium. The daring bike guy
wiggling through lines of car caught his attention; his theatrics bought back a
few memories. He missed those.
Reluctantly
he made an unsuccessful attempt to wriggle out of his stupor and get going. He
was still engrossed in the memories evoked by the careless bike rider. They
pressed against his consciousness, inducing a scathing pain. He flinched and
tried to move once again but remained rooted to the spot still browsing through
his mixed bag of memories, one in particular. She was ironically the most
painful yet a cherished memory of all those gone by years.
Even after
all those years he could never really pinpoint why he liked her. She was almost
everything he wasn't and much more. She was definitely neither the most
attractive of her peers nor the intelligent one and definitely not the kindest
one. Whoever she was he was instantly smitten with her from the first time he
set his eyes on her. He still remembered the turmoil she caused within him, the
endless debates he held against himself trying to convince him of the futility
of it all. Needless to say all of them ended without the logical conclusion which
he wanted to opt for. Not surprisingly after each such lengthy, one-sided,
fruitless debate he was even more intrigued by her.
It took
weeks of deliberations and every available ounce of courage he could summon to
take that decision. He decided to let go of his constant internal conflict, to
ignore the lengthy list of rational arguments he has compiled, to rise above
his deep rooted fear. He desperately wanted it to end, for better or for worse,
he had to put an end to it before it subsumed him into a hollow existence.
Despite of what followed he still felt proud for combating his fears and rising
above them. Unfortunately it was a marginal by-product of a brutal act of
decimation.
Courage can
be such a double edged sword. Tackling our fears and transcending them seems
like such a noble idea but it is accompanied by devastating consequences. Maybe
that is why only a few of us are truly courageous. He never understood why she
made him the target of her vicious whiplash, it was almost like she wanted to
make an example out of him, and she did. At worst he expected a quiet somber
rejection but compared to what happened a rejection would have a far more
humane outcome. His annihilation was not a civil act. His young impressionable
mind never really recovered from it. The reverberations of the event haunted
him even now, she haunted him even now.
As a
testament to widely recognized cruelty of fate, live never let him really
forget her. For some insane sadistic reasons it kept throwing them together,
from college projects to common friends to the shared workplace, she always
hung around like a painful memory refreshed regularly. Over the years he did
got on acceptable terms with her. She apologized and he also tried to accept it
and move on, feigning friendship along the way. He noticed her softened expressions
in the last couple of months, almost to the point where he mistook them for
misplaced affection. A part of him wanted to retrace his steps of past and the
same bold mistake once again but the painful remains of his wound made it
impossible. Maybe that is why he gave in to his mother’s repeated pleadings and
decided it was about time. He was sure that his middle class values along with
the institution of marriage will help him move away from her, finally. Once
again he was……
Note: Now she is the character from
Her.
The harmonic
melody of his neoclassical ringtone perturbed his chain of thought. He looked
at his phone. It was her.
He glanced
at the time, 10:00 am. It’s been 30 minutes since he left the house and he was
still on the 8th floor.
“Where are you? I am already waiting by the
care. Are you all right? “. Her voice conveyed her genuine concern. He couldn’t
understand how she can have an ounce of affection for such a distant person.
“I am okay.
I forgot something so had to go back, will be there in 5 minutes.” He lied,
unconvincingly, and disconnected the call.
He looked at
the same expanse of urban clockwork. The traffic jam which he predicted has
already in its full glory and the usual bedlam was being exhibited all around.
His eyes searched for the daring bike guy. He was stuck in between the same
cars which he was effortlessly maneuvering through. His helmet was off and he
sweated profusely. His eyes were searching for an exit route in all this
pandemonium. There was none to be found, he gave a disappointing shrug and
waited for opening which will allow him to get free and be the daring bike guy
once again. It was a painful agonizing wait.
He pressed
the elevator’s call button. He couldn't risk being stuck at another floor. She
was worried and waiting for him. He gave her enough trouble already. The
elevator door dinged and closed quickly. His nightmares were contained for now
as he prepared the role of a calm, jovial person once again.
Part 5: Her – 2
The door slammed behind him. He was not being himself today.
The usual efforts that he put in to appear normal were missing. He clearly had
a lot on his mind today otherwise it was unlikely for him to be this disjoint.
She wondered how many people actually knew the real him. To the casual observer
he would fit in the normal bracket; amicable, humorous and overall a decent
average person. Not a lot of people looked beyond his veil which hid the other
half, his fractured identity struggling to come to terms with the world, his
constant conflict for meaning and reason. The picture behind the canvass was
poignant and heartbreaking at times. The hiding act was admirable if not
perfect. Only a handful few really knew him, she knew him.
Sometimes, not very often though, she regretted the fact that
she looked through him without much effort. The pleasant exterior never
confused her and to add to her misery she was always attracted to this
concealed damaged persona. This inexplicable attraction has been a constant
source of heartache for her, from the very moment she met him, but despite of
this all she couldn't bear the thought of pulling away from him.
She never thought her life would be arranged for her in the
traditional way. She was always a free spirit, full of dreams and above all a die hard feminist. She blatantly mocked the whole traditional drama of arranged
marriages. The very idea of it was always unbearable for her. Although she did
agreed to her parent’s constant request to meet prospective guys, handpicked by
them, but she only thought of it as an appeasement policy for her haggling
parents. She was sure once she had rejected enough guys they would take the point
and leave her alone to figure her life out. Ironically he was the first one in
her “rejection” drama.
He was different than most guys she knew. Most were instantly
enchanted by her. She was readily accepted as someone who is beautiful, warm,
comfortable and humorous; the kind of girl most people craved for. Contrary to
the majority he was calculated and normally distant. His action dictated a
gracious yet controlled admiration for her. It was not the reaction she
normally received from guys, especially from simpletons like him. She was both
mildly agitated and intrigued.
This very intrigue was soon driving her, for she wanted to
solve this puzzle, she wanted to solve him. She elicited an enthusiastic
surprise from her parents when she declared her interest in him and even a
possibility, subject to a few more meets with him. She looked forward to
meeting him still certain that she can always start her “rejection” routine
once she finishes finding her answers. She was strangely excited about it,
which was unheard of.
If the first meet was intriguing the second one was equally
refreshing. His broken demeanor kept aside, he was really the kind of person
she would have hoped for; naturally intelligent, knowledgeable and with a wacky
sense of humor. His natural appearance was effort full and quite convincing but
the cracks were exposed every now and then, in the pauses or in the long
glances he threw around. It was uncanny how alike they really were. Like,
dislikes, outlooks, interests; they shared almost each of them. His mystery
along with his personality was alluring to her. The “rejection” endgame was slowly
chipping away.
Her parents were really confused when she requested a few
more meets with him to be certain. She could sense that the decision was already
made, albeit a risky one. She was convinced of breaking through, what she was
not certain of was what she will find underneath. She hoped that some time
together will help her ascertain whether to follow on her unjustified instincts
or not. However hard she tried she couldn't find a reason to reject him and
move past him. Her “rejection” drama
never moved past the first scene.
It is her 41st day with him and he still is a
mystery to her. She often wondered if it was a mistake or not and surprisingly
she still can’t convince herself that it was. He was as she had always
expected; cold, distant but affable and a good husband, at least superficially.
She has given her crazy experiment 100
days; she always thought 100 would be enough to determine her future, their
future or the lack of it. Her faith is waning everyday but she still hopes
often without reason. She is still seeks her answers but now she is not sure if
she wants them anymore.
She finished her breakfast, touched up on her appearance and
got ready for the 41st day believing that 42 is going to be her
lucky number.
Part 6: Loose Ends
Note: She is “The Other Her” in most of this, except in the
end which I will mark.
She woke up with a throbbing headache. Her grand plan of
letting the hangover take care of the imminent events had one fatal flaw after
all, it added to the already incomprehensible mosaic of complexities. She
contemplated sleeping in, calling in sick or simply disappearing somehow; but
that was easier said that than done. No matter what she needed to face it, she
needed to face him even if for one last time. It was not going to be pretty but
it surely was unavoidable.
She slowly slumped out of the bed and made her way to her
living room. She glanced at her life’s worth; all boxed up and ready to be
moved. Her new life was beckoning but first she needed to handle the demons of
her past, she needed to move on. She needed the closure.
He snoozed his meeting reminder as he negotiated the heavy
rush hour traffic. He was going to be late for his important meeting and yet he
was not agitated by that fact which in normal circumstances would have ruffled
his entire composure, but today was anything but normal. He parked his car at
his designated spot and hastily walked on towards the elevator to the office
and suddenly he stopped. He noticed the maintenance people of his office removing
her name from her parking spot. A simple swipe of paint and all the traces of
her existence removed. If only.
He retired to his plush office chair as soon as he reached
the office. He had a meeting to prepare for, an important one too. He
appreciated the distraction as he hoped it would take a major amount of his day
and hence help him avoid her…..He was about to rehearse his presentation for
the umpteenth time when his secretary rushed in.
“Sir, the meeting is postponed. The client won’t be able to
make it this week. They have requested it to be moved to next week.” She said
and awaited further instructions.
“Okay, good for me. That frees up my whole day.” He
dismissed her and was left alone disappointed at losing his distraction.
“One more thing sir just one minute.” She said and left.
She back a few minutes later with a huge card, her farewell
card.
“Sir, most of us have already written on it you are the only
one remaining. You write something so that we can give the card and the gift to
her.”
“Okay you leave it I will write and call you when I am done.”
She left leaving the card behind on his table. He took a
look at it and wondered what he will write. He thought about preparing his
presentation again but he was already way more prepared than he needed to be.
He quietly sat down and peered through his cabin’s glass wall she was nowhere
to be seen, yet.
He pondered for possible lines to write. He drew a blank
which was a rarity. Glibness was one of his better known traits, he felt proud
for a few things and it was definitely way up there on the list. He opened the
card and started reading the wishes scribbled by her colleagues; most of them
had a very formal note except from a few of her friends who were really close
to her. He couldn't decide what tone to use while writing, he was afraid that
it will either be too professional or too personal and both were equally
questionable.
He noticed the buzz through his walls. A group of people
were congregating around her office, it meant that she has arrived. From the
large group of people he could comprehend her popularity and it was well
justified. She was fun, helpful, and empathetic and of course beautiful; almost
everyone liked her. The whole farewell event lasted well over an hour while he
twiddled his thumbs struggling with lines which will allow him to negotiate his
“farewell card” dilemma. He put his head down, as he often did, reminiscing his
primary school days when the gesture provided solution for just about anything.
It was not that potent anymore but still peaceful and enjoyable.
“Can I come in?” A knock on his door disturbed his quiet
sojourn for suggestions. It was her.
“Since when do you ask?” He said putting on a weak smile.
She smiled back remembering all those times when she just used to simply barge
in.
“You didn’t come and meet me, why?” She asked her voice
indicating a hint of disappointment.
“I was just about to.” He lied in his usual unconvincing
fashion.
She just rolled her eyes in her typical dismissive “Oh Yeah really!”
gesture.
“I knew you would but why take chances. After all it is also
time for our tradition.” She said referring to the tradition both of them
shared since their early office days, having lunch of “Vada Pavs” and assorted
snacks every Friday afternoon.
“I will make the coffee.” Coffee was a recent addition to it
only added once he got the promotion and a plush cabin office, big enough to
have a couch and a coffee machine.
“So where is my get away gift? And don’t say you don’t have
one for me.”
Her question caught him completely off guard. He should have got something for
her but now it was too late. He was about to apologize profusely when he
realized something. He had a gift for her after all, something she asked
repeatedly for; anklets from his hometown. On his last visit he had finally
bought them from her but he also got engaged on that last visit which slightly
complicated things. So he never got around to giving them to her. And it was
sitting in his office desk, gift wrapped, ever since.
“Of course I have a gift for you. What did you thought I
would forget?” He retrieved them from
the drawer and handed them over.
“Are they? You remembered? Thank you” She realized what was
in them and something about it make her uncomfortable for a moment.
“Why I wouldn't remember, you were literally screaming in my
ears for them for at least three months. That is why I remembered.” The coffee
machine beeped and they sat down on the couch for having probably their last
ceremonial lunch.
They sat down and talked. Talked about almost everything
they could in those few hours. Incidents from the college, office, about their
struggles, victories and a bunch of miscellaneous stuff. They haven’t talked
this much in a long time, at least not in the last couple of months. They both
felt relieved and calmed, as if those few words melted away all the uneasiness
the last two months has created between them. Their discussion was broken by
the tap on the door.
“Sir it’s time for her farewell party in the conference room.”
His secretary informed him.
“Is it 5 already?” She asked with disbelief.
“Actually it is 6. Come quickly people really like you but
not enough to sacrifice their whole Friday evening.” Secretary said and left.
They have been talking for straight 5 hours and none of them
had even a slight inkling. He got up and was about to leave.
“She is lucky to have you.” Her words stopped him dead in
his feet. He turned to look at her and she looked inexplicable. Her eyes were
slightly at odds with her confident composure.
“I should never have done that.” She said and stopped. Words
were not easy to come by for both of them.
“You should look forward; you have a lovely life to look up
to. I would try to do the same.” She concluded maintaining the same composure
throughout.
“We should leave now.” He was too dumbfounded to react at
the moment.
She held his hand and almost forced him to the crowded conference
room. The party was already halfway to completion; they were mobbed as soon as
they arrived. For the next 2 hours they drank, they laughed and they danced;
somehow both of them were in a tranquil state and they joked about their behavior
of late. As the party ended and everyone left he stayed behind to say her goodbye.
“Guess that is it.” She said as her cab arrived smiling but
the smile had a touch of genuineness about it.
“That’s just the start of it.” He said and extended his hand
for a handshake.
“Come on I at least deserve more than that.” And she hugged him and it was not as awkward
as he thought it would be. They
exchanged the goodbyes promising each other that they would remain in touch,
occasionally if not frequently. As the cab left and she could no longer watch
him through the tinted window she started reading her farewell card. The tears
she fought for so long finally came rolling down as she read his note on the
card, “Be happy. Please”.